The one thing I hear more often than not from moms is never having any alone time, and if they do, they feel guilty about it. Mom guilt is real, and if it is standing between you and time to yourself or time for focused work on the things that feed you, it’s time for a change.
I’m no stranger to either of those thoughts but I recognized a long time ago that there was zero longevity in those thought patterns and something was going to need to be done in order for me to keep my sanity as a mother.
Here I outline some of the ways I was able to break free from mom guilt and make space for myself along the way. It’s a game-changer!
Listen below for the entire episode on The Systemize Your Life Podcast
ONE: Believing in a better future for them & believing you are worth more
Trusting that you are a better mom when they don’t have constant access to you. Kids and humans in general take things when they are in the free bin. But as soon as you put a price tag on something it becomes valuable. We want our children to learn the value of the love, care, and nurturing, we give them. Without some kind of boundary in place, we put ourselves in the free bin. And although I would agree that I am absolutely there for my kids 100% of the time, I am certainly not okay with my kids even at 3 and 8 having free reign over my life.
The key to avoiding mom guilt is to set boundaries with your children is to be consistent. You’re setting the example for how they value their own self-worth later in life. You’re still a good mom even if you don’t give them every ounce of yourself.
TWO: Clear communication
Before you think they can understand. Never shy away from getting down on your knee or sitting cross-legged on the floor and taking the time to tell them how you feel. Tell them what you want. Communicate with them and ask for communication from them. I place healthy boundaries on my kids by getting on their level and having a clear discussion and communicating both our needs and feelings. Teach empathy by giving it.
“Empower your kids to make their own decisions and learn consequences. Be consistent, communicate and celebrate their successes and find the freedom to take time for you.”
Show up for them routinely and allow them to know what to expect from you allow them the confidence they need in your relationship to be okay with time away. I teach moms to use their AM block of time to fill up the love tanks in their children for this very reason. Allow your kids to see you and for you to see them, you will carry that with you when you are not with them. They also will know they in order for mom to pour into me like that she needs time and space too. When your kids see you taking time for yourself without losing their feeling of connection, they don’t crave your attention and you don’t feel guilty about it. Bye bye mom guilt, hello meaningful, creative time to yourself!
Love and Logic is the guiding principle in everything I do with my children. It took me a long time to get it right, and I still have to work at it very hard. But it’s magic. Using love and logic allows your children to begin to solve their own problems and not depend on you for every solution to every problem they have.
The 4 Steps to Love & Logic
Empathy: acknowledge their feelings; “Awe how sad”
Power message: “What’re you going to do about that?”
Offer choices: “Would you like to hear what some other kids have tried?” Options range from poor choices to better choices
The child takes the next step: Follow up with “How is that going to work for you?” This allows the child to solve their own problem
Carving out the time to focus on you requires communication and boundaries. A little goes a long way: be consistent and you will have the time to yourself that you crave in no time. If you want a little help or need a little encouragement hop on over the Systemize Your Life facebook group and share your experience, or jump inside the Systemize Your Life Academy and start the process of going from overwhelmed to organized!
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I get time to myself without the mom guilt?
Time to yourself is part of a balanced life. You need to have time to yourself to be a good mom. Use my fundamental needs workbook to identify what is most important in a balanced life for you and how to integrate them into your day. (Psst…one of my fundamental needs is time by myself). Also, my Systemize Your Life Academy will take you from overwhelmed to confident in just four weeks. I’ll teach you how you can take your time and make it work for you and help you gain control over your time (with and without your kids)!