Have you ever sat down and planned out your perfect week and then nothing goes according to plan? Oh ya, well me too. Truth is, most things in our life happen without really knowing it’s coming, and most of the time we are completely ill prepared. So we just give up. We give up on trying because its not how we imagined, or we aren’t #winning like we thought we would. Honestly we ALL grapple with some form of perfectionism in one way or another whether we realize it or not… After a divine download on a run that I wasn’t planning on doing today, it hit me. Continue reading to learn how you can get out of your own way and beat perfectionism. Ready to hear all about it? Press play on todays episode!
Listen below for the entire episode on The Systemize Your Life Podcast
Let’s Define Perfectionism
I’m going to be talking about this whole conversation of perfectionism and why it’s this lethal distraction of life. I’ll also be talking about the three things you can do about it. When I say perfectionism, it’s not what you think. It’s not this classic “if it’s not perfect I’m not doing it”. When you think about perfectionism that way, you’re excluding yourself from what’s actually happening in your life. The repetition of your own ideas telling you what should be holding you back from what could be.
What does that look like? For me in my life, I’ve been labeled as a perfectionist all my life. This whole enneagram thing came out and was a big craze for a while. Then before that there was another personality test, before that another one. I have always been careful about those things. I never want anything to limit me. But truly, don’t put me in a box. Let me learn my way out of this box. I was labeled as a 1 on the enneagram, which is the person that gets labeled as the perfectionist. I already know this about myself but I’m learning my way out of that.
I’ll never be truly defined by all of those things, but the reality of that is I came from two insanely detailed parents. I never really thought it was a bad thing growing up, but I do remember everything having to be done exactly. Now to have an outside perspective, I have been trying to grow out of that my whole life. It’s crazy to look from the outside at how much isn’t getting done because it couldn’t due to this standard our minds have created.
What is keeping you from being successful?
When I started this business, I had had another business before that. An event based business and also a sign language interpreter. So when I started this business I had already seen the things that held me back; kept me from being successful at the level I wanted. A lot of it stemmed from exactly what we are talking about. Not allowing myself to move forward with something because I was afraid it wasn’t going to be done exactly how I thought it should. Or how others before me had evolved for it to become in their lives. It’s this constant comparison that we all talk about, that we all see, that we’ve known we ‘re supposed to avoid.
I forced myself with this business, I got the most killer coach, Stephanie Gas who is now my closest friend. Every time I showed up to a coaching session with her I had paid a pretty penny and it forced me to get over myself. To tell myself “you are using money you technically don’t have to have this lady tell you exactly what to do so you can stop throwing spaghetti at all wall. If you are going to waste all of the time between meetings, she is just going to tell you to do the same things again.” So over the gap between meetings with her, I was supposed to be working on things I had no idea how to do. They were intimidating and scary.
What should you do about it?
For me to get through my perfectionism, I had to be mindful of my goal. I want the results on the other side so badly that I am just going to have to show up and do it even though I don’t know how. I know my website doesn’t look like what it’s supposed to look like, realize my Instagram photos don’t look like what they should look like, understand that I have no idea how to push a contract for a person I am interviewing on my podcast. And even no idea on how to set up a contract for a person I am going to coach. I know what I’m talking about of course, I talk about this all the time, but I have to do all these things I have never done before!
The whole thing was excruciatingly painful for me but through it all I realized month after month, this isn’t so bad. Then I started crushing everything I intended to show up and do! When I started taking that and applying that in simple ways, I started to build confidence in my character and who I am. That to me is what it is all about.
THREE tips to start to build that confidence
I have three straight forward tips for you to be able to do the exact same thing!
This is what I have done on a regular basis in multiple areas of my life to truly move past the perfectionism. You need to have your goal that you are working towards written down on paper. Without a written goal, you don’t have a beacon. Most of the time, our thoughts will run wild and take whatever it is we think we are supposed to do and completely exaggerate it. When you get out a piece of paper and write it down, or map it out in a mind map in MindMeister, you take away all the power from your mind to run loose with this thing you are creating to be way bigger than it actually is.
Have a system for where you are going to keep your thoughts, ideas, to-dos, time blocks, all these things you have to do to reach your goals and get them organized. Here is why. It’s not just be organized and have a system. There is legitimacy behind this. When things come up in your life, you automatically throw the baby out with the bath water. My week isn’t perfect, it’s not going to be until after summer ends, so I’ll start time blocking then. No.
When you’re organized you know exactly where things in your life belong. When you have your thoughts, and all the core parts of your life organized, you understand where things in your life belong. And when you miss one, something doesn’t go according to plan, or something changes, you just put it in another part of your week. You make adaptations. Once you start to improvise, adapt, and overcome, you become a professional at not getting bogged down at all the thoughts of all the balls you’re dropping. You stop obsessing over all the things you aren’t getting done, and start planning where else to plug it in. It can be that easy for you.
I want you to use systems. Specific systems. When you use systems to simplify all the things you are trying to do in your life you immediately open up the doors to peace, joy, and opportunity. To actually getting things done. It’s funny. I saw an interesting post that talked about how if you have to schedule date night, other fundamental needs, or create routines for those things, you’re too busy. It just reminded me that so many women are truly lacking the skill set of using systems to simplify their life. And because of that, they give up on the very things they were born and designed to do. Depriving so many people they come in contact with from the blessings they could be giving because they don’t “know how to do it all”.
Clearly a post like that would ruffle all of my feathers! But I decided to take a step back and look at the fact that this is why I started doing what I’m doing in the first place. That truly is most people’s mentality. If I can’t do it all, I just have to get rid of something. Most of the time, women come back to giving up all of their talents, their business, their hobby. The things that bring them joy, so that they can pour their time into their family and children. That’s not a bad thing, but I feel bad when I hear a woman feels like she has to give up something that she’s so passionate about because she’s drowning.
“When you use systems to simplify all the things you are trying to do in your life you immediately open up the doors to peace, joy, opportunity, to actually getting things done.”
I have seen these systems help hundreds of women at this point. Seen it completely change their lives. It’s not going to be perfect. My life is far from perfect. My kitchen has had dirty dishes in the sink about 5 or 6 nights out of the past 9 days. I am cooking massive amounts of food for my husband who is working his tail off and I just can’t seem to keep up with the dishes. Does that mean I need to give up my business? No it doesn’t. This is not a pattern in my life. I have a system to fall back on and I can reset.
There are so many parts of my life that aren’t perfect, but I know without a shadow of a doubt, that if I just show up for my systems (with a goal written down, and a system in place), I don’t have to think any more about it.
This isn’t about everything being perfect, it’s about doing your very best work in every area of your life. It’s about putting on your big girl pants and realizing that, yes, a lot of sacrifices are going to be made. Your pride is going to be hurt. You’re going to show up without makeup on one day, going to miss outings with friends. Going to eat the pizza and ice cream one day even though you have the fancy meal plan. It will all happen. But if you have a system to fall back on, you won’t have to throw in the towel. Stop falling victim to this idea of perfectionism. Fill out the paper planner without erasable pens. Commit to the program you aren’t sure you can knock the socks off of because it’s not the right season of life.
You got this!
Slow down and sit at the table you don’t think you are ready to sit at. Start the business you have no idea how to start. Sit and play with your kids for an hour and let the emails ride. Get over the ideas of what you think your life should be and start living out what it could be. I know there are so many things you go through in a day that you put off. Maybe because you don’t think you can show up for it, execute it, or do it the way you want to do it. But I just want you to ask yourself, is five pennies more than zero pennies? Is five pennies closer to one hundred?
If you are trying to get a dollar in your pocket, collect one penny at a time. You will get there.
I would love to know the things that helped you get past your perfectionism so pop on over inside of the Facebook group and show me what worked for you! You can also come check out the The Systemize Your Life Academy and learn with other women how to build those systems to fall back on.
Frequently Asked Questions
What resources can I use to learn more about your systems?
Having systems to fall back on can help alleviate lots of unnecessary stress from your life. You’ll know exactly how to reset, adapt, and overcome any difficult situations that may come your way! And if you’re looking for resources to start creating systems that work for you, check out my fundamental needs workbook to begin constructing routines. Then, my time blocking workbook to boost your productivity as a work from home mom. Both are free! If you want to learn further, come join my Systemize Your Life Academy to learn how to organize so you have the time to succeed in your home and business!