Are you feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated around your house? Today I am going to go over how you can use one simple system to get more support around the house. This system will have your kids and your husband on board.
One thing that every mom struggles with is the idea or notion of feeling supported. Feeling like you are being appreciated. Having others pitch in to help and not feel like you’re a lone ranger. Doing all the things around the house, all the time, all by yourself.
I think this is such a huge deal. I can’t tell you how many times, just in my own private thread with my best friends. We’re talking and brainstorming about how to get our husbands and kids to understand the work that we do. That simple system to get more support with all the things around the house.
As moms, we do so much work. It is actually quite extraordinary how much we have to get done in a day. And that’s not even including working from home, that’s a whole other thing.
This is just looking at what we’re doing as mothers in our homes, it is so much work emotionally, physically, and mentally. Just trying to keep up with the house, let alone the emotions of the children and the connection between you and your spouse. All this while trying to stay really true to that woman that you were created to be.
I know this really weighs on me and how to manage it all when no one else in the house seems to understand. We all get to that point where we literally want to lose our minds. Make everyone eat dinner outside because you just got done cleaning every nook and cranny of the kitchen.
Here is the simplest solution in the world and it fixes 90% of the problem, the one simple system to get more support. So let’s dive in.
Listen below for the entire episode on The Systemize Your Life Podcast
Feeling Appreciated And Respected As A Mom
Here’s what I know for sure. We all want to be recognized for the work that we do in our homes. There are times when I work so incredibly hard while Blaine is on shift. When he comes home, the support that I am looking for from him and the kids is just not there. The appreciation and respect for everything that I did during the day. And really, they have no idea what has even been done.
There is so much that we’re doing around the house that they don’t even know about. Let’s just be real, our kids and most times our husbands have no concept of that. If they’re not responsible for it and they’re not doing it, they really have no idea that it’s happening. And if they don’t have any idea that it’s happening, there’s no way they’re going to be able to give us the extra support that we need.
I feel like this it is so essential to talk about how we manage our homes. I speak often on systems and business, but let’s not forget how undeniably bold of a job it is to be in the role of mom.
Motherhood is literally like being a CEO. There is something so valuable about learning how to manage your household in tandem with your husband and in unity with your children. We as women have been gifted with the spirit to know how to manage all that. So taking that opportunity and really diving is huge. It is almost like a lost art.
Growing Up Without Limitations
I grew up a total tomboy. Went hunting with my dad constantly. I was always under the hood of whatever car he was fixing or on the creeper underneath. He was having me go back and forth to the toolbox and would tell me the name of a tool. I would have to go back and forth until I found the right one. My dad never ever treated me like I was a girl. And I am so unbelievably grateful for that.
On the other side, my mom never ever treated me like a tomboy. I grew up in etiquette classes. I legit had to iron my dust ruffles, pillowcase, and my sheets from time to time. She wanted me to learn how to have a small bone of hospitality and to know what is proper.
So, I really grew up in both worlds and I was able to see very clearly that I could go either direction and it would totally be fine. I really had so much to give, right? There were no limitations on what I could do. There were never any limiting beliefs put on me about what I could actually accomplish. What a great gift to be able to give your children.
My True Calling
As I grew up and got out into the world. I went through college and didn’t get married right away. I made some hard choices and went through some really hard stuff throughout my twenties. Then, I got married and now have to deal with playing the role of a female. What does that mean? What does that even look like? Some complex spiritual growth had to happen.
Here I am now with Chesijo.co, my blog, and my podcast as a calling for me to truly dive into motherhood, which is funny because I never wanted to be a mom. But, I became a single mom and now I focus on systems for work-from-home moms. So it is really special how my life has morphed.
And I want to be very open about what I’m in, where my journey has brought me, and how strongly I believe in our strengths as women. That is never ever to discredit what we can do outside our role of the norm and the cultural perspective of what a female should do. Because I grew up and I’ve dabbled in all of them.
There is something so powerful about the spirit of a woman, a mother, and a wife. But, there is one simple, tiny system that is really the crutch of it all. And this comes back down to communication and when we say that we want to stop feeling overworked.
Communication Is The Key To A Good System
A lot of times we do all of this work with a good heart and intentions, but we don’t feel like it’s being respected. When I take the time to fold Frankie’s clothes so her drawers are organized to make it easy for her to have independence. To have the freedom to see all of her options, everything that she has to wear for the day. Then, I go in and she’s pulled everything out and shoved it back in because she doesn’t want to take the time to fold the right way.
I want you to know there’s a different way to manage all of that rather than being frustrated, resentful, and bitter. You can start to manage your home where there is a simple system to get more support. Where you can begin to feel less overworked.
So, what can you do to not be so overworked? What does that simple system to get more support look like? What does that support from our husband and children look like? It really all comes down to communication and the systems you have in place. Are you running your house efficiently? Is your home organized? Have you taken the time to do that, if not start there?
And once you get that under control. Once you are no longer dealing with a monstrosity of stuff to clean or tidying the house all the time. You’re ready to add in this one simple system to get more support from your family. By the way, Marie Kondo has a book and a Netflix movie series called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. If you haven’t read the book or watched her series I would recommend it ASAP. But, if you have done those things, then now it’s time to really start communicating.
Working As A Team
It’s time to step out of this role of being a solopreneur and bring people onto my team. I’m ready. I’ve got systems in place. I know really well what needs to happen for this house to function. For our marriage to be healthy, happy, and whole. And, I know what my kids need to be really happy, healthy, and whole.
I already know what all that looks like and it’s a bear to manage all alone. So guess what? I’m going to start asking for help and communicating what needs to be done throughout this entire house. That way all of us can have this life and use this simple system to get more support and not feel so overworked.
Getting Support In your Home With One Simple System
This simple system to get more support, the one I’m talking about comes down to communication and is what I like to call a communication board. This is what I do to make sure I am getting the support in my home that I need from my husband and children. It is how I make sure that we’re all on the same page. And how I make sure that I’m not the only one bearing the burden of doing all of the work, all of the time. Now, it’s not a burden to care for my family, but doing all the things we must do to manage our homes is a lot of work, and there’s no reason you have to do that alone.
“Now, it’s not a burden to care for my family, but doing all the things we must do to manage our homes is a lot of work, and there’s no reason you have to do that alone.”
For a lot of us stay-at-home moms, we get lonely. I get lonely. I know you get lonely because you’re doing so much on your own and probably why you’re constantly on social media. That’s why you constantly want to have play dates, which play dates are great, and social media is great. But, when you’re running away from being at home. Doing the things that you need to because you don’t have the support that you need, you’re constantly looking outside of that.
If you can get out of your house and go do things, fantastic, enrich your lives, and enrich your children. If you can enrich yourself through social media and hopefully through my Facebook group. I would love to enrich your life in that way. Go hang out with me over inside the Systemized Life Facebook Group.
Those are all good things, just make sure that you’re using them well. I truly believe that you get sucked into all of these other things because you don’t have the support that you need at home. The way to solve that is to set up a communication board, which is a super simple system to get more support. That’s how simple it is.
But, what does this communication board do? Well, the communication board that I have has changed so much for our family over different seasons of our lives. But, Blaine knows how to support me. Frankie knows how to support me. We know how to support each other. I can now stay on track so much better when managing my home because of this communication board.
The Communication Board
So what is a communication board and where does it go?
Place your communication board in a space with very high traffic, a shared common area in your home. Wherever that one spot is, which is typically the kitchen. But if your kitchen is hidden in a random nook, maybe there’s a pathway from one main living area into the kitchen where you could hang it.
You can use a whiteboard with dry-erase markers. Ours is a very, very large piece of framed glass and it says things to do. I also put another one down low for the girls. That way they could just write on to get in the habit and the practice of coming to that space and writing, even if it’s just a doodle. You could also use a chalkboard, but I find chalkboards to be better if you’re going to have really static information because they’re harder to clean.
What Your Board Is Not
Now, Let me first tell you what this communication board is not.
Since this board is supposed to be a simple system to help “you” get more support, it is not your family calendar or chore chart. Which we don’t use chore charts in my family. I have an entire podcast episode that my eight-year-old daughter came on and did with me to talk about how we handle chores. So you should go back and listen to my bonus episode here, it is amazing.
It’s not a command center or where we keep our mail. It isn’t a place where we tell the kids who is coming, who’s going, and all of that kind of stuff.
What Your Board Is
This is strictly a communication board! This makes sense since it is after all a simple system to get more support from your kiddos and your husband, right?
It is where mom communicates to everyone else what needs to happen that day in order for everyone to be successful. In order for everyone to be happy and healthy. That is what we do as moms and think about 24/7. We make sure that everyone is safe, happy, healthy, and whole. Most of the time that means food, keeping people entertained, and making sure that no one hurts themselves.
But, it’s not just there for your kids to be healthy, happy, and whole. It is also for your husband and marriage, a place for you guys to be able to communicate. So when Blaine comes home, he knows that this is the space where he can look and see information that I have squirreling around in my brain. That I’m going to be thinking about all day long.
So, if he wants to support me in what it is that I’m trying to get done in my motherhood and as a wife. He can turn to the board and feel empowered to say, these are the things that my wife wants to get done today. These are some of the things that the kids can do. This is what the day looks like and if he wants to be supportive, he can just jump right in.
Brain Dump Time
So, we’ve talked about the board and the big vision. I’ve talked to you about where you should hang it and what it can look like. I also talked to you about what it is not. Now we’re going to talk about the different things that I write on my communication board.
The number one thing that I use my communication board for is my brain dump list for the household. You can use it day by day. But if there’s a bunch of stuff that I need to get done for the entire week, I just get it all out on the board. I want people to know what the focus is for the family this week. So, I put it all down on the board.
For those of you who have husbands that are working nine to five, the daily week stuff most likely doesn’t pertain to them, but it can for the weekends. Or it can pertain to them for the dinner routine, the bed, bath, books, and nighttime routine, whatever that looks like. Wherever it is in your specific season where you are feeling overworked and you want support. That is a perfect place to start with your communication board.
That is where I start. When Blaine’s going to be home for four days in a row and all of this stuff has to happen, that’s what I focus on. This is what I’m going to need help with and what all of my time and energy are going to be focused on. And I can’t expect him or the kids to know and understand what I need. It’s not fair for me to be frustrated that they can’t respect the work that I do when I’m not communicating it.
The To-Do List
The best way to communicate is A, to be consistent and B, to make it visual. Be open with what it is, especially with our husbands and especially with little kids. If it’s visual, it is ten times more likely for them to understand and remember it.
One of the things that I love to put on my communication board is a list of things that I’m going to be working on. I have one little section on my giant board for this. And a lot of times this is what allows my kids and my husband to automatically do one of those things on the list for me, without even asking.
If it’s heavy-duty, we all sit down and talk about how we can get it done in the next couple of days, or how can we get through if it’s just a list for the day. If I’m working on something can you come and help me with these other things? What things do you want to do?
And then we move on.
Kids Playlists And 3 Reasons Why I Love Them
This part of the simple system to get more support around the house is for the kiddos. I write an actual playlist for both of my kids. That way when Blaine is with the kids, he can just look at the playlist and have really good ideas of what to do with the kids without them getting overstimulated with screen time. This works well even if I am at home, but busy.
But, I do have to say, if your home is not organized. If you’ve not communicated with your kids and husband about where everything is. Or maybe you have written down a playlist for them but you haven’t taken the time to organize and tidy your home. There’s going to be no way that they’re going to be successful in that.
Another reason why I love the playlist. Say I am in my AM block, which is my focus time for motherhood. I just look at that list of things I need to do and it tells me exactly what I should be doing when I have free time. I can have the kids come and do it with me, but I also want to make sure that we have some structured playtime as well.
Let’s be real, there are only so many times I want to play the same thing over and over, although I absolutely love playing with my daughters. And there are probably a million toys in your kids’ bedrooms that don’t ever get played with.
So when I’m cleaning through things in the house and I see something they haven’t played with in a long time, I will do a toy rotation. Or, I will put it on the playlist and make a note so that I can tell them to grab that rock decorating kit they got for Christmas two years ago.
Here’s the third reason that I absolutely love having a playlist. Say I am cooking, cleaning, or doing something in the house during my AM block. I am not working with on my business. My kids don’t want to do those things with me. And I am most likely not going to stop doing those things to sit and entertain my children.
They can entertain themselves for a portion of their day, but if I don’t have ideas to give them. They’re going to be pulling on my pant leg 24/7 asking for technology. What’s going to happen then? I’m going to be irritated and I’m going to give in.
Those are the top three top things that need to go on your communication board. This is how you can get started in using this simple system to get more support in your home. And since I love real-life examples, I’m going to keep them going.
Six Other Great Examples To Add To Your Communication Board
Leaving the house. I like to write down if I’m gone, so if I’m leaving the house, the communication board becomes ideal.
Menu planning. It is also really helpful for Blaine if I already have my menu or meal planning on the board. So he and everyone else always knows what’s for dinner. And if I’m going to be gone, I also like to put what I’ve planned out for lunch or different snack ideas. That way I don’t have to worry about whether or not my kids are going to get fed a good snack.
Important sitter information. If a sitter is coming over I write down our address, our gate code, our wifi password, and how they can contact me. I also jot down the schedule for the day like dinner, baths, and lights out.
Transition times. If I was gone for the day, I would add anything that I would want Blaine to know. I really think this contributes to the health and happiness and wholeness of the kids. So I write down Important transition times, say for naps. Or if there’s something that we’ve been doing consistently over the past five days that’s really being worked on, then I’ll write that down.
Now, I did say that this is not a calendar because it is not. But if there’s been a change of pace, like there has been around here lately with school being online, then hybrid, and now homeschooling. When we’re trying to get into a new groove. I then write the schedule on the communication board as to the times we’re doing breakfast, school, lunch, and free play. This then goes on because it helps me, my kids, and my husband.
The communication board is also an incredibly good place to put down positive and encouraging messages. As well as tidbits and notes to one another. Maybe it’s scripture or prayer that you’re going to be focusing on. Whatever that is that you feel like you want to infuse into your family. To uplift them for the day or for the week, put them on the communication board.
Setting Up Your Communication Board
This is your space to really show what your leadership and the spirit of your motherhood looks like from inside your brain. Where you write it all down. So the options for a communication board are endless.
You can really put anything you want on your board. I just wanted you to know some of the things that I’m currently doing with my communication board. Some of the ways that I’ve used it in the past. I love our communication board and I’m sure things will change again as the seasons change for my family.
Remember you want your families to feel like the communication board is a tool that helps them. Not something that they feel controlled by or limited and bound to. This should be a space where they can come and be open about how to help everyone. How the family can be happy, healthy, and whole. And this is really all circling back to you getting the support that you need to not feel overworked. Putting in place this super simple system to get more support from your whole family!
I hope today’s post was helpful and can make a positive impact on you and your family! Be sure and head over to The Systemize Your Life Facebook Group with any questions.
If you would rather listen to this post, head to The Systemize Your Live Podcast episode #52 over on iTunes. And if you want to help impact other women in your life, be sure and share what you learned today!
Frequently Asked Questions
I think I may need more support to keep me accountable. Do you have suggestions as to where I can go to get this type of support?
There are a few places you can go for support. You can head to our FREE Systemize Your Life Facebook Group and/or The Systemize Your Life Academy, Chelsi’s 4-week complete home management system course.