Listen below for the entire episode on The Systemize Your Life Podcast

Self-Care Time Can Help Reduce Stress

This season of motherhood will change but our roles as mothers are static day in and day out. We constantly take care of and love on the people that need us.  Yet, many of us are left feeling like no one is caring for us.

We believe that we have to do it all and there is no time left, not even a few minutes, for us. The reality is as mothers, wives, sisters, friends and nurturers of all of those that have been placed into our lives, we are responsible for taking care of ourselves as well.

I’ve spent years observing women on every part of the self-care spectrum. There are the ones that have done nothing for themselves, in the name of honoring and serving, just to end up growing old and bitter. Then, there are the women who dive in head first on the other end of the spectrum and are all about self-gratification all day, everyday. They have completely given up on serving everyone around them in attempts to regain parts of themselves and manage stress.

Then, there are the women that are in that sweet spot right in between—those who have solid self care practices but also show up for others. That is what I want for you, and for me. This system will help you fit self care activities into everyday life and improve your overall health while still having time to care for others.

Your Loved Ones Are Not Responsible For The Overwhelm You Feel

The overwhelm and mom guilt you are feeling is not caused by the ones you are serving.  The reality is we are the ones who run ourselves ragged. They don’t do that to us.

We have to set aside time to practice self-care so that we can provide emotional support to our loved ones. It is our job to set boundaries and know what our fundamental needs are. We have to assert ourselves and make time to take care of our own needs too!

An Overwhelmed Mom is Like An “Out Of Order” Vending Machine

When you put aside your own wants, goals and desires to be able to give and serve others, you are basically being used as a human vending machine. As moms, we walk around full of tricks, tips and remedies for other people’s needs. All someone has to do is walk up, put in a few emotional pennies, push a couple of buttons and out comes the fix they need! 

Sometimes, our vending machines run dry and we need a refill. So, we urgently throw in a few self-care activities and then we are back at it. Handing out help, love and care for everyone else, until we have been completely tapped out, completely depleted, dry as a bone.

Sometimes our vending machines get so depleted that they start completely malfunctioning. We end up with a big “temporarily out of order” sign hung on us. The demand on that vending machine was just far too much to keep up with.

I do not want to be a vending machine nor do I want my daughters to grow up and become vending machines.  We have to do more than just serve. We have to give to ourselves too. That is what makes self-care important. When you are spending time on your own well-being you have more energy, love and support to be able to give to others too.

An Achievable and Sustainable Self Care System

This system has allowed me to care for myself regularly, regardless of how busy, stressful or uncomfortable life may be. I am going to show you how to get enough sleep, find time for self-care practices and manage stress using systems and routines. I am also going to share the most powerful easy self-care tips you have ever heard.

What Does Self-Care Look Like For Busy Moms?

Self-care is not an indulgent form of compensation for what is lacking, or an attempt to mask the pain and emotional drain our life leaves on us.  Self-care is caring enough about ourselves that we make sure that the way we live our lives gives us renewable energy. Instead of constantly giving, we are also taking time to replenish ourselves by meeting our physical and emotional needs. We leave no voids so that we can deeply pour into every calling in our life. 

“The ability to give ourselves more energy is the one true renewable resource we can tap into as busy moms.”

Self-care is not walking around Target. Caring for yourself means that you shouldn’t have to walk around Target to escape your life.  We all need a mental break every once in a while, sure. Target can be a great place for a mental break but also it can be a really good place to break your bank account.

Self-care is not escaping in order to take care of yourself.  Regular self-care practices are preventative. They are not a response, not what you have to do to cope. That’s not self-care. Self-care is something you build into your life so that you can reduce stress and anxiety, instead of getting to the point where you need to escape to Target.

Burnout Is Not A Badge Of Honor

I know burnout is a real thing because I’ve experienced it many times in my own life.  As caregivers and moms, we all just learned how to function on empty tanks. We learned how to drop that bag of chips out of our vending machine, even when our vending machines feel empty. We figured out how to make something out of nothing and many of us run on nothing all the time. The system we are living in is backwards. It’s not preventative at all. Most of us are just getting by or treading water. 

I hope that you are not talking about yourself like you’re a hot mess because burnout is not a badge of honor. It clearly shows that you’re living your life backwards. You need to reverse the cycle. Here’s the forward thinking system I use to make sure I am spending time on my own needs too.

Life Balance Begins With Identifying Your Fundamental Needs

Knowing your fundamental needs can help you restore balance in your life.  I created a workbook, The Fundamental Needs Workbook, to help you determine what your own core needs are. You probably already know the basic needs of every living, breathing thing in your life. From you spouse to your children, coworkers and even your pets. You know that for everybody else, but do you know it for yourself? Do you know what your needs are?

You Are The Captain Of Your Ship

I approach myself as the head of my ship. I know what my responsibilities are and in order for me to run that ship. I’ve also figured out what I need to be healthy enough, both physically and mentally, to run that ship well.

I have to feed myself whole food, free from chemicals and processing because that gives me energy. If I don’t have the energy to take care of the kids, work, and the house, it’s going to be an utter mess.

I also know that I need strength for my muscles. So, I go to the gym. I need to drink plenty of water to hydrate myself. To help me run my ship well, I have to take care of my physical health.

Then, there are the things that I’m good at and the things that I’m called to do for me to be whole. I know I have to connect with my husband and also have one-on-one time with God. I need to read positive affirmations every morning. Every evening, I need to unwind and disconnect from technology before I go to bed.

Those are my fundamental needs. What are yours? Download the free Fundamental Needs Workbook today to figure out what self-care activities you need to thrive.

Maintaining Your Self Care Routine

It’s one thing to know which self-care practices you need, but how in the world do you make time for them? Well, I’ve got a whole system to help you make time for self-care as a busy mom.

In short though, don’t neglect yourself. You would never neglect your children’s, spouse’s, friend’s or family member’s needs the way that we neglect our own. It’s time to stop neglecting your own needs. You were created to be whole. Believe in the whole human that you were meant to be. 

I don’t believe in the word balance because there’s no real scale for balance. There’s no real measurability of how much needs to be in each department. It has to be a matter of checking in with yourself and knowing what your needs are. Are you meeting them consistently or neglecting them?

You are going to have to make time for yourself, even during busy seasons. I find small ways to prioritize my self-care. For example, I can read a chapter in my book before I go to bed. I can sit for 5 minutes in peace and quiet to meditate or express gratitude. Even if I can’t fit it all in, there are still little ways that you can make sure that you’re not neglecting yourself during extremely demanding seasons.

Prioritize Your Great Eight

To help you care for yourself in busy times, you need to know your great eight—the fundamental needs that sustain you and fill you up. The Fundamental Needs Workbook will help you identify your great eight. Then, you prioritize those eight things in your schedule and make sure you do them every single week. That is what I teach in Episode 3: How To Make Time for Self-Care As A Busy Mom. It is full of powerful tricks to help you start learning how to make self-care part of regular life.

Energy: The One True Renewable Resource

The ability to give ourselves more energy is the one true renewable resource we can tap into as busy moms. Your bank account is not renewable. We have to go out and work for that money. There is a limit to how much money we can make and how much money we can spend.

If we get all of our energy from the love that our children give us, that could work for now. But, one day, our kids are going to grow up. They leave and then mom has no idea who she is. She has no idea what fills her up anymore. That’s not a place you want to be.

Spiritual and emotional energy are always available. Those are resources that we can tap into any time. The ability to give ourselves more energy is always there, especially if we put these easy self-care tips into practice and are consistently filling ourselves up.

Start With Better Sleep

If you’re not sleeping well, start there. When we get enough sleep, we wake up every single day feeling renewed. Can you imagine what that would feel like if you went to bed at night, excited and hopeful for the next day?

Know how many hours of sleep you need and make that a priority in your life. Then, focus on the other things you need for physical health. That is how you renew your energy. I know for me that is in good food, sleep and connecting with my husband and even through cleaning my house.  These things give me energy. You have to figure out what fills your cup so that you aren’t running on empty.