Keeping the date night spirit alive after kids is really hard to do; I get it. But being on a budget or extra busy is not an excuse to stop dating your husband. Work from home moms can easily fall into this trap of yoga pants or pajama pants all day with hair in a messy bun and maybe a swipe of deodorant on a good day.
This post is about ensuring that you and your husband keep the spirit you had while you were dating, before kids and marriage, alive and well. You don’t want to be roommates, housemates, raising kids and cleaning dishes, cooking dinner and falling down dead at the end of every night, and you don’t have to.
Listen below for the entire episode on The Systemize Your Life Podcast
You will need a system that keeps you from getting sucked into the mundane parts of life and keeps your heart and mind focused on the most important relationship God has given you. You and your husband.
This post is my favourite; I say that about all of them, but truly if there is anything you spend your time figuring out in life, it should be how to have a deep and meaningful connection with your man, and this system is exactly how to do it.
Step 1 to Ensure a Happy Marriage – Pray Every Day
When Blaine and I first met, he asked me often if we could pray together, and I was truly the most attractive part about him. It set the tone for what is now a very prayerful marriage and has been the key to staying connected and grounded to the true reason for being married.
Start small if this is a new idea and isn’t something you currently do in your marriage. I have had to really come out of my comfort zone when it comes to praying with other people, and that is okay. No matter where you or your husband are with prayer, just make sure you start with something and stay committed.
Step 2 to Ensure a Happy Marriage – Know Each Other’s Strengths
We attended a marriage conference when we first got married called the XOXO Conference, which greatly impacted us. One of the presenters there and the creator of the ministry, Jimmy Evans, wrote a book together called Strengths Based Marriage.
We bought the book and went through the entire exercise to help us discover our strengths as individuals and how we could use those together to create an incredibly strong marriage. It helps us to be patient with each other when we are at odds and helps us to step back and let the strengths in each other soar with trust and appreciation.
Step 3 to Ensure a Happy Marriage – Plan Together
Every Sunday, we have a meeting together called the Sunday Sit Down. We named the event so we knew what to put on our calendar and what we needed to do during that time. We now just know that every Sunday (or Saturday if he is on shift) that we will sit down and plan out the family’s entire week together.
This allows us to be supportive of one another in our time management, attitudes, and how we pray for each other. I have an entire post that deeply dives into the eight things we put on the calendar every week here. You can do a thorough read on how we plan every weekend and start implementing it in your life as well.
Step 4 to Ensure a Happy Marriage – Have Other Interests
This is pretty straightforward. Have something you love to do and can be proud of in your life. Something that draws you away from your husband, kids, and home and brings that joy and love back to the table.
When you were dating, there was so much to talk about because so much of your life was separate and unknown. That is critical in keeping the spirit of dating alive even after you are married. There are so many times that I am literally DYING for date night because I have so much going on in my personal time, and I cannot wait to tell Blaine because he is truly my biggest fan.
Step 5 to Ensure a Happy Marriage – Date Every Week
Last but certainly not least, if my favourite…..DATE NIGHT!
Yes, you read that right. I said you need to have a date night every week. I know, I know, you’re REALLY busy. So are we. And we make it happen.
There really are no excuses, I mean, there weren’t any excuses when you were dating, right? You’d swim across high tide to see each other. He deserves the best of you, not the last drop out of the bucket, so prioritize each other and make it happen. Get it on the calendar and commit.
Not every date night has to be a huge event. The purpose is simply to keep the spirit of dating alive. Announce it is date night. Tell your friends and family you are going on a date like you did when you were actually dating, and make that magic happen again. Put your phones away, and just be with each other. I put together a list of creative and cheap ideas to get you thinking about how you can make date night happen every week in your life.
“You need to have a date night every week. There really are no excuses. There weren’t any excuses when you were dating, right?”
10 Date Night Ideas
Here are 10 date night ideas you can start right now that don’t require a lot of money, time, or a sitter.
- Picnic at the park
- Movie on the couch
- Wine and fire pit outside
- Board games
- Show Her Off (free virtual country dancing lessons)
- Go to bed early
- Personal development
- Cook a special dinner after the kids eat and go to bed
- Darts in the garage
- Yard games during nap time
Ask Yourself: What Would I Do if We Were Dating?
Keeping the spirit of dating alive is challenging with kids, jobs and life all in the mix, but I promise it is possible. The number one way we continue to keep dating and be more than just friends is by using this question to help us gauge how to respond, “What would I do if we were dating?”
You fell in love and MARRIED each other based on choices and behaviour, and forgiveness and grace shown and made during dating and you can do that again. Our favourite resource for staying spiritually grounded is Jimmy Evans’ teachings online. I’ve linked his YouTube channel for you here. Whether or not you are struggling to speak to one another or are in love as ever, these bible based teachings are truly what keep Blaine and I together.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I start time blocking to prioritize my relationship?
By getting to know your Fundamental Needs, aka your “Great Eight,” the 8 things you absolutely need to be the most full version of yourself and through checking out this completely FREE workshop on how to balance your fundamental needs with both your home and work so. you can have time to prioritize the very most important things in your life! Through understanding your fundamental needs and time blocking you can be sure to schedule everything in that you need for the week, including dedicated time spent in your relationships!