Ready to break free from the chains of common motherhood myths? In this eye-opening blog post, I unveil the truth behind six everyday myths that have been holding you back. It’s time to challenge the status quo, redefine your journey, and empower yourself as a mom. Get ready to shatter the stereotypes and discover the ultimate guide to embracing motherhood authentically. Let’s get started!
Listen below for the entire episode on The Systemize Your Life Podcast
Unveiling the Truth: Debunking 6 Motherhood Myths
Get ready to dive into a topic that will truly resonate with you. Today, I’m sharing six myths that countless moms buy into. It’s surprising how easily we fall into the trap of going along with the crowd. But by uncovering these misconceptions together, we’ll empower ourselves to break free from the lies that are holding us back.
Redefining: What is Motherhood
I am ridiculously analytical. I love to figure out the minutiae. In the very beginning of me introducing myself into the world of podcasting, I talked about how I see everything in the world as a Tetris game. I want to see how everything can fit together in the most effective and efficient way.
My analytical side helped me realize that there are all these moms who proudly embrace the chaotic “hot mess express” as if it were their mantra. From sleep-deprived t-shirts to the revered messy bun, it seems to be the accepted norm.
There’s no proof anywhere that that is actually what motherhood is supposed to look like. In this blog post, I’m going to lay out the six myths that women unknowingly subscribe to about motherhood. Join me as we debunk these myths and discover what it means to do motherhood on your own terms.
Myths About Motherhood #1: Motherhood Is Supposed to Be Hard.
The first of the myths has been told to us over and over: that motherhood is meant to be hard. Raise your hand if you’ve fallen into this thinking! It seems like everyone around us constantly reiterates that raising kids should be anything but easy. Countless times, I’ve caught myself nodding along, thinking, “Well, this is just how it is, right? Being a parent means I am always late and teetering on the edge of insanity.” That it’s a convenient excuse to justify the chaos.
If you find yourself nodding in agreement, perhaps it’s time to take a moment to reflect, dig deeper, and do some hard work to figure out what is really going on. It’s tempting to blame the challenges of motherhood on the notation that “it’s supposed to be hard”. We all juggle so many responsibilities as moms. From caring for extended families to managing our own households, supporting our husbands, and tending to our own emotions.
It can feel like an overwhelming load. Picture this: you already have your hands full, and suddenly, the kids are screaming, running amok, half-naked, with food spilled somewhere. In such moments, it’s easy to believe that this is just how it’s meant to be—hard. However, what if we pause and truly think about what made it hard?
The Power of Asking for Help: Transforming the Myths Overwhelming Motherhood
Recently, when Blaine and I went car shopping, we made the choice to arrange babysitters for the kids. As we browsed through the dealership, we noticed other parents with their children, attempting to navigate the car-buying process. In that moment, Blaine and I exchanged knowing glances and shared a triumphant high five.
It dawned on us that while it’s true that parenting often means taking our kids everywhere, it’s equally important to recognize that we can ask for help. We have the power to remove certain tasks from our overflowing plates when it is necessary.
When I have a lot on my plate, Blaine often asks me this question: “What is the most important thing to do right now?” These moments of reflection remind me that motherhood doesn’t have to be overwhelmingly hard. Maybe the individual who started spreading the belief that motherhood is inherently hard and requires us to do all of the things all of the time never truly considered seeking support.
Myths About Motherhood #2: Your House Is Supposed to Be a Mess.
Let’s address another favorite myth of mine: the belief that a messy house is a hallmark of good parenting. It’s a notion that’s thrown around so often, suggesting that if your house isn’t a mess, you must be doing something wrong—either not loving your kids enough or depriving them of play. But let’s pause for a moment and reflect on this. Can it truly be justified by saying, “It’s okay that my house is a mess because I have kids”?
The truth is, having kids does bring an extra level of chaos into our lives. There are days when I haven’t managed the household as well as I’d like, and my kids have been running through the house not caring for their environment, leaving me feeling like a perpetual picker-upper.
However, I try to teach my children the importance of accountability and leaving our house better than they found it. I hold them responsible for their actions within our home. Does that mean my house is always immaculate? No, it’s not. But I refuse to make excuses for it.
Empowering Moms to Master the Mess
Let me make one thing clear: I refuse to believe that a dirty house is simply the way it’s supposed to be. We often try to shift the blame onto the season of life or the memories we’re creating, but that doesn’t solve the underlying issue. Living in a constant mess is not something any of us truly enjoy. In fact, one of the questions I’m frequently asked is about my cleaning schedule.
By debunking this specific myth, my aim is to empower you with the knowledge that there is time, space, and skills you can learn to effectively manage the mess that comes with having children. It’s important not to excuse them from the responsibility of being respectful humans within their own home. Our role as parents is to guide and teach them by example. We pick up little by little throughout the day so that we’re not overwhelmed with a huge mess.
Myths About Motherhood #3: You Have to Be a Mom Then You Can Have a Career
We’ve all heard the motherhood myths that suggest you must become a mom first and then, only once your kids are grown, can you pursue a career or follow your passion. It’s hard to see so many moms put off their aspirations. One common reason they don’t pursue their dreams is the realization that their passion may require them to step out of their homes or step away from being the sole caregiver for their kids.
In a conversation with a mom who ran a business, a statement she made still sticks with me: “It’s just the mom’s job; no one can do it better than the mom.” She firmly believed that her husband couldn’t possibly match her level of work that she does with her kids. Consequently, she took on the belief that she had to be solely responsible for every aspect of parenting.
Busting Myths by Pursuing Dreams and Embracing Motherhood with Intention
From my own space, I firmly disagree with the notion that women should put their dreams on hold until after raising their kids. While I wholeheartedly recognize the incredible and profound responsibilities that come with being a wife and a mom, I believe that pursuing one’s dreams should not be not be sacrificed by these roles.
For me, being a dedicated wife and mom are the two most serious things in my life. I always try to advocate for individuals aspiring to achieve their dreams while fully embracing their roles as moms and wives. It’s important to know that reaching your dreams supports being a mom and being a wife and not the other way around.
Balancing a Career and Motherhood
Having a career might mean that other people care for your kids on a regular basis. Just because that may be true does not mean they are raising them. When my kids are at home with me, I am incredibly intentional with the time we have together. The idea that one cannot be a career-driven individual while also being a devoted mom is, in my opinion, ridiculous.
It is important to be intentional and wholeheartedly committed to balancing both aspects of life. This requires developing a skill set and learning how to effectively manage and prioritize time. By staying focused on our priorities, we can navigate these challenges and show that it is possible to work and be a dedicated mom at the same time. In the face of any naysayers, rest assured that I am living proof of the ability to thrive in both roles.
Myths About Motherhood #4: Self-care is Selfish
Myth number four: the misconception that self-care is selfish. It’s time to challenge the bad rap surrounding self-care. Many of us have experienced the guilt associated with asking our husbands to handle dinner while we spend time with friends. Even taking a break from household chores to read a book for 30 minutes can leave us feeling guilty. Stepping away from our responsibilities is not wrong or self-centered. However, it’s important to recognize that without self-care, there is not an opportunity to fill our cup.
“Stepping away from our responsibilities is not wrong or self-centered.”
There’s no convincing me that you don’t feel the weight of this myth on a regular basis. Even just trying to step away and take a bath, the moment you hear your kids and your husband struggling, you absolutely believe in this myth. The idea that “it’s just easier when Mom does it” may constantly echo in your mind, reinforcing the guilt associated with self-care.
Navigating Priorities and Self-Care: Empowering Partnerships in Parenting
The other evening, when I was working, my husband was having a hard time getting our daughter, Bailey, ready for bed. Over time, I have figured out a specific series of things that bring her comfort. Sometimes they don’t work and I resort to gently rocking her before setting her down to sleep. On this particular day, I had been giving and giving all day and didn’t get the time that I had blocked off to work on my business.
To help with this, Blaine and I made an agreement: he would handle Bailey’s bedtime routine while I could start my work early. After a few attempts, my husband came in, and said, “Can you go up there and help her because I’m losing my patience?”
At that moment, I had two choices. I could either readily offer more of myself or offer support to my husband, giving him the confidence to handle the situation on his own. I responded by asking, “Why are you losing your patience? What seems to be happening? How can I support you?” He expressed his belief that it was easier for me to handle it, to which I explained that it was because I had a lot of practice. I encouraged him to go upstairs and attempt the specific approach that has worked well for me in the past. It was frustrating for him and it was even harder for me to say that to him, but I needed to care for myself.
Prioritizing Personal Time: Boundaries and Filling Up Your Cup
One of my fundamental needs is I need a certain set amount of hours to work on my business throughout the week. My husband has dedicated time for his work, and I can’t guilt trip myself for asking for that time. It is important to understand that whenever I begin to feel a sense of angst, I need to reflect on what I haven’t been filling up inside of me.
Once I start to get that way, I start taking it out on my kids or I start losing my patience with Blaine. At that moment, I made the decision to say no and resist the urge to give in. I trusted that my husband could handle the situation, and I offered him my support. To his surprise, it went really well.
It is important to allow yourself to ask for things and have boundaries to make those things happen in your life. Whenever this happens, you get filled up that overflows into everyone else’s lives. You do not need to serve everyone from this really dark guilty place all the time with an empty cup. With self-care you’re now able to fill them up from a place of joy, light and love. You are able to nurture so many good things because you’ve taken the time to give to yourself. Stop believing in that myth, you are worth so much more.
Myths About Motherhood #5: You Are Only a Good Mom If_____.
Myth number 5 is you are only a good mom if _____. If what? If anything really! This myth suggests that subscribing to other people’s ideas about motherhood is more important than trusting your own instincts and defining your own journey. It could be about cloth diapering, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, or any number of choices. The list is endless. Throughout every age and stage of your child’s life, there will always be voices offering opinions on what is best.
For first-time moms, navigating motherhood can be challenging. Initially, it’s common to feel uncertain about what is considered “right” or best for your child. However, there came a moment for me when everything seemed to click into place. It was at that moment that I realized I was a good mom because I was following the path laid on my heart for my children.
Trusting Your Intuition: Embrace Your Unique Motherhood Journey
If you ever experience doubt because you’re not doing what is on your heart to do with your children, that is what you should be listening to. You should not be listening to the people that tell you that you’re not a good mom if you’re not doing XYZ.
The most important thing that you can take away from this myth, is to take the time to think about it and stop feeling like you’re not a good mom. Deep within you, lies the ability and knowledge needed to be a great mom. This is called intuition. I encourage you to wholeheartedly embrace and cherish your intuition as a valuable tool for navigating motherhood. Please take that one to heart.
Myths About Motherhood #6: You Have to Rely on Coffee and Sugar and Neglect Your Health
The last motherhood myth is kind of funny but also serious : the belief that you must drink coffee everyday, indulge in sugar, and never work out. The truth is, there’s no need to exhaust yourself, rely on your kids’ snacks, or neglect your well-being. Being excessively caffeinated isn’t necessary. It doesn’t have to be that way. I personally experienced the exhausting “mom zombie” phase during my first daughter’s first year of life, but I made a conscious effort to invest in methods to help with that with my second.
It is important to invest in yourself. By prioritizing regular workouts and preparing nutritious meals, you’ll experience a significant boost in energy. However, many moms often dismiss this, blaming their busy schedules or the challenges of having young children. These are excuses. You have the ability to care for yourself, nourish your body with wholesome food, maintain a consistent sleep schedule, and stay hydrated. Caring for your basic survival needs is important.
Motherhood Myths We Shattered
These six motherhood myths that have held us back for far too long. We have explored the misconceptions surrounding motherhood and shed light on the truth behind them. Every mother’s journey is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to being a mom. In summary, these are the six myths we are believing each day:
- Your life does not have to be hard because you are a mom.
- Motherhood does not require us to sacrifice our dreams and passions.
- A messy house does not have to be an inevitable part of motherhood.
- Self-care is not selfish.
- Being a good mom does not mean you have to conform to the expectations of others’.
- You do not need to rely on sugar and neglect your health because you are a mom.
It’s time to let go of these motherhood myths and embrace a new narrative of motherhood—one that celebrates our strengths, honors our dreams, and empowers us to parent on our own terms. Together, let’s redefine motherhood, break free from societal expectations, and create a world where every mom can thrive.
Looking to Learn More About Managing Motherhood And a Community to Share Your Progress?
Looking for how to make self-care work for you? Be sure to check out this self-care blog post. It goes into what self-care is and how we can make it happen as busy moms! In this blog, we discussed how mom guilt can be crippling. These tips to become the mom and business owner you want to be can be just what you need to hear!
I would love to know which one of these six motherhood myths resonated with you the most! Come and tell me about it over in our FREE Facebook community. If you like today’s content and wish to learn more about how to manage motherhood, then please head over to Chelsijo.co/SYL.