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From Frustration to Cooperation: 8 Strategies to Win Family Support for Systems

From Frustration to Cooperation: 8 Strategies to Win Family Support for Systems -Chelsijo

September 15, 2023


It can be so frustrating to work so hard to get a system in order in your home, and turn around and feel like no one even cares, no one listens, and no one supports it. That feeling of being alone is one of the most frustrating things on the planet. Sometimes it even makes you feel like, what’s the point of putting a system in place in the first place if you don’t have family support for systems?

But fear not, because I’ve been there too, and I completely understand those feelings. In fact, I’ve made it my mission over the last seven years to navigate the challenges of marriage and family while putting systems in place. It’s been like a social experiment, and along the way, I’ve discovered some incredible tips to truly get your family involved.

So, instead of being discouraged by what feels like a never-ending battle between you and your family in systemizing your life, I invite you to dive into this blog with a piece of paper and a pen. Let’s explore some of the ideas I’ve found super helpful in my own home with my own family. Let’s get started!

Listen below for the entire episode on The Systemize Your Life Podcast

Starting with the Basics

Today, we’re exploring eight distinct ideas aimed at getting your family on board with systemizing your home. These concepts center around your attitude and how you approach family challenges. Plus, you’ll gain insights as I outline specific language to use.

As you dive into this blog, you might be feeling a mix of excitement and discouragement. It’s crucial to remember that your starting point should always be implementing the systems your family needs, regardless of initial resistance. Don’t hesitate to take this step, even if your kids or your husband aren’t immediately excited about the idea.

It’s important to acknowledge that your family members might not always see things from your perspective. For example, your husband may have different responsibilities and strengths, and organizing systems might not be his forte. In such cases, focus on what you know your family needs!

If you come across resistance from your children or spouse, patience is key. Sometimes, their reactions are rooted in personal issues they are struggling with, and it’s essential to respect their timing and emotions.

The Power of Adaptation

So, this journey has been a true social experiment. I’ve tried various approaches to implement systems, some leading to arguments or frustration. I’ve collected data from these experiences, learning what works and what doesn’t.

Implementing systems is in my blood; it’s my calling. I can’t imagine life without them. Also, I refuse to give up, even when faced with challenges. I’ve continuously improved how I implement, communicate, and establish systems.

Remember, if you feel like you’re battling against someone in your household, it’s crucial to understand that this battle doesn’t look like you are armoring up for conflict. Instead, it often requires a gentle, patient, and strategic approach. Crafting your approach is key!

Taking Control of Your Attitude

Your attitude plays a critical role. Take control of it, even if it feels like no one understands your struggles. Understand that your attitude is within your control and can make a huge difference in the dynamics of your family.

“Understand that your attitude is within your control and can make a huge difference in the dynamics of your family.”

Now, let’s get practical. Grab a piece of paper and jot down numbers 1 through 8. These represent actionable ideas to help you navigate these challenges. It’s your turn to put them into action, gather data, and see what works best for your family!

Family Support for Systems Tip #1 – Flip the Script

Let’s dive into the first idea – Flip the Script. As the name suggests, it’s about doing the opposite of your initial instinct. It’s about taking a different approach, saying something different from what you might initially want to say. We discuss this concept extensively in week four within Systemize Your Life when we talk about involving your family in the systems you’re implementing in your life.

For me, much of what I’m about to share stems from my journey in learning how to parent the way I wanted to. It began when Frankie was a baby, as I learned about techniques like Loving Logic and Positive Parenting.

These approaches have served me well in many aspects of life, including my family’s systemization. I apply this approach not only to my kids but also to my husband and in various other areas. The core principle is putting the person first and my desires second.

The Art of Flipping the Script

Now, let’s look at “Flipping the Script.” It’s that moment when frustration or irritation starts to creep in, but instead of giving in to it, you immediately change your perspective.

For example, when you want to say, “Why didn’t you do that?” you flip it around and say, “I really like that you did this,” or “I would really love it if you could do this.” The key is to replace every negative thought or comment with a positive one.

I won’t sugarcoat it; this practice can be incredibly challenging. It takes effort and patience. If you’re not well-versed in this approach, it can feel like a steep learning curve. I’ve personally regressed at times, and I recognize that it’s not easy, especially when life gets busy. It requires dedication.

Starting with Positivity

So, if you often find yourself leaning towards negativity in your interactions with your husband and kids, start here. Begin by flipping the script. It may take some time to get the hang of it, and you’ll need to be patient with yourself. 

Try this, instead of telling your kids, “Stop running,” you’ll say, “Walk, please.” It’s about shifting your focus from what you don’t want to what you do want. This practice is all about positive reinforcement.

By embracing this concept and making it a habit, you can transform your interactions and create a more positive and harmonious family environment. It’s not easy, but it’s a powerful tool for building better relationships and encouraging your family to embrace the systems you’re implementing in your life.

Family Support for Systems Tip #2 – Look for Their Strengths

Let’s explore the second idea – Look for Their Strengths. Your immediate task is to start identifying the strengths of your husband and children. Begin by acknowledging what they excel at and involve them in the systemization process. Seek their input and build systems around their strengths.

Your initial instinct may be to tackle the areas where they struggle the most, especially if those areas are causing you stress. However, it’s crucial to resist this urge. Instead, switch your attention to what they are naturally good at. Emphasize and nurture these strengths!

Encourage your husband and kids to hone in on their strengths. By doing so, you’re not only building their confidence but also making the systemization process more enjoyable for them. When they feel successful in a particular area, they are more likely to embrace the system.

Family Support for Systems Tip #3 –  Offer Their Role

Let’s get into the third idea – Offer Their Role. It’s about identifying what your family members can contribute to your system that aligns with what they are already doing. Let’s take a practical example: meal planning.

Suppose your husband is excellent at playing with the kids. That can be his role in the system! It’s vital to acknowledge this and leverage it. This way, you can free up mental space to organize meal plans and go grocery shopping without the kids. Strategically plan for this every week when he can spend time with the kids. It’s a way to encourage and remind him of his valuable role in the system.

Appreciation and Encouragement to Gain the Support of Your Family for Systems in Your Home

Express your gratitude by saying something like, “Thank you so much for helping me with this,” rather than resorting to complaints or nagging. Recognize his role in making the system work smoothly, highlighting that it wouldn’t be the same without him.

Similarly, involve your kids in the system. If they are constantly needing to be fed, think about what they are already good at. For instance, if your 2-year-old is excellent at sorting, have her sort the groceries when you come home. Let her place the cold items in front of the fridge. This not only lightens your load but also engages her in a helpful role within the system.

It’s essential to shift your focus from what they can’t do to what they excel at. Be creative in finding ways to involve them constructively. You’re the leader in this, and your role is to guide them in contributing to the system positively!

Family Support for Systems Tip #4 – Request a Trial Period

Our fourth idea is to Request a Trial Period. This approach involves asking your family members to give a new system a chance for two weeks. It’s important to communicate that if the system doesn’t work or if they dislike it, you won’t ask them to continue with it. They can go back to the old ways, and you promise it will help.

Reassure them that you understand their concerns and that this is an opportunity for everyone to find relief and improve the way things are done. This assurance can make them more open to trying something new.

Be Patient and Persistent

If they decline, don’t push it. Simply thank them for considering it and let them know you’ll revisit the idea in the future. It may take several attempts before they agree, and that’s perfectly fine. There’s no rush in making these changes!

Remember, this is about your family and the rest of your life. You’re taking on the role of systemizing your life, which is a long-term commitment. Be patient and persistent in your approach. If they agree, give the new system your all for two weeks and allow them to adapt at their own pace.

Evaluate and Adjust

After the trial period, assess how it’s working. It’s essential to give everyone space to adjust to the changes. Be open to feedback and make adjustments as needed to ensure that the system becomes a smoother and more comfortable part of your family’s routine.

Family Support for Systems Tip #5 –  Prioritize Their Preferences

The fifth idea revolves around Prioritizing Their Preferences. This approach involves shifting your focus from what you want to what they want. It’s about letting go of your own desires, even if they are strong, and embracing their choices.

We often get caught up in the details, striving for perfection. We can become obsessive about making sure everything is just right. While attention to detail has its merits, sometimes you can surprise yourself by simply going with the flow, even when you’re unprepared.

Embracing Spontaneity

Instead of overthinking, sometimes it’s okay to say, “Well, that didn’t go as planned, but it’s alright; it’ll work out.” Surprisingly, things often turn out better than expected. They may not be perfect, but they can be pretty good.

Now, let’s consider applying this concept to a family system, perhaps a financial one. Suppose your family members strongly desire a different approach than what you initially planned. Instead of persistently pushing your own idea, try saying, “Okay, let’s do it your way,” and genuinely give it a shot.

Sometimes, their perspective may lead to a better outcome, even if you initially had doubts. For instance, in the case of a budgeting system, if your partner had a different approach, try it out. If it doesn’t work, that’s okay; you’ve learned something valuable together.

The Beauty of Adaptation

The beauty of this approach lies in the magic of allowing things to unfold organically. When you stop insisting on your own preferences and let them take the lead, you might discover unexpected solutions and a smoother path to your goals.

Additionally, by prioritizing their preferences and being open to their ideas, you foster a sense of collaboration and mutual respect within your family. It can lead to more harmonious and effective family systems.

Family Support for Systems Tip #6 – Ask About Their Vision

Our sixth idea centers around Asking About Their Vision. It involves taking the time to ask your family members what they envision for various aspects of your home life. It’s about engaging in a dialogue and seeking their input.

  • What do you envision doing after work?
  • How would you like your evenings to unfold?
  • What’s your ideal Saturday like?
  • How would you like your mornings before school to be?
  • How do you picture our laundry routine?

Seeking Their Feedback

Give them the opportunity to share their thoughts and desires. When they provide feedback, ask them, “How do you think we can make that happen?” If they’re unsure, offer your ideas and inquire if they’d like to hear them.

Reassure them that you’re there to help make their vision a reality. Whether it’s their desired bedtime routine, financial goals, or the state of your home, let them know that you’re on board with their goals.

Also, by allowing them to express their desires and actively involving them in the process of shaping your family life, you create a sense of collaboration and shared responsibility. It’s about making your home a place that aligns with what everyone wants it to be.

Family Support for Systems Tip #7 – Avoid Self-Pity

Our seventh idea is to Avoid Self-Pity. It’s essential not to feel sorry for yourself. Changing your attitude can be challenging, and there will be tough days. It’s okay to acknowledge your feelings, but dwelling in self-pity won’t help.

Some days, it’s entirely valid to feel sad or overwhelmed because this journey is undeniably difficult. Everyone experiences moments of self-pity, but it’s crucial to recognize them and not let them linger.

Often, we fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to what we see online or what we think others have. However, indulging in self-pity is never productive and won’t garner the support of your family.

Seeking Support

If you need to, allow yourself a moment to cry or confide in a trusted friend about the challenges you’re facing. Sharing your feelings can provide relief and perspective.

After your moment of vulnerability, gather your strength, dust yourself off, and get back on track. Remember that self-pity won’t advance your goals or help your family support your goals. It’s about resilience and the determination to keep moving forward.

Family Support for Systems Tip #8 – Be Uplifting

Our eighth and final idea is all about Being Uplifting. Instead of focusing on discouragement or complaints, it’s time to shift your perspective towards positivity and support.

While it’s essential to have a safe space to vent and express your frustrations, it’s equally crucial to maintain an uplifting environment within your home.

Remember the concept of “flipping the script” we discussed earlier? It’s about transforming your language and outlook from negative to positive. This extends beyond words; it’s about fostering a positive spirit and communicating in a way that uplifts rather than discourages.

The Power of Positivity in the Process of Gaining Family Support

Avoid criticizing or discouraging your spouse. Instead, choose to focus on their efforts and acknowledge the challenges you both face. Understand that their struggles affect you too, and it’s challenging for everyone. After nearly eight years of this social experiment, I’ve learned that being uplifting instead of discouraging leads to better results.

Conclusion: Transforming Your Family’s Dynamics: Embrace These 8 Strategies for System Success

Finally, let’s take a moment to reflect on the eight powerful strategies we’ve explored to win your family’s support for systems in your home:

  1. Flip the Script
  2. Look for Their Strengths
  3. Offer Their Role
  4. Request a Trial Period
  5. Prioritize Their Preferences
  6. Ask About Their Vision
  7. Avoid Self-Pity
  8. Be Uplifting

Now, take a moment to assess which of these strategies you could implement and which you believe could have the most significant positive impact on your family’s life right now!

Also, by starting on your journey armed with these eight strategies, you will witness the remarkable changes they can bring to your family’s life. Remember, it’s a continuous process, and as you embrace these principles, you’ll find increasing support from your loved ones.

So, I hope you keep this episode as a source of inspiration whenever you need a reminder of how to change your attitude. Thank you for joining me in this episode, and I look forward to having you back for more discussions on systemizing your life!

Looking to Learn More About Getting Your Family Involved?

To start, if you are wanting to know more about it can be possible to get even closer with your husband through the use of systems, this blog post is jam-packed with tips and tricks! If you are wanting to learn how to tidy as a team, this series dives into getting your husband and your kids on board!

Also, please reach out if you need any help throughout the process of getting your family involved within our super supportive Facebook community!

Additionally, as we wrap up the eight powerful strategies for gaining your family’s support in systemizing your home, I want to express my gratitude for joining me on this journey. I’m genuinely excited about the positive transformations these strategies can bring to your family’s life!

In conclusion, as you begin implementing these strategies, remember that I’m here to provide ongoing support every step of the way. If you have questions or need guidance, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

From Frustration to Cooperation: 8 Strategies to Win Family Support for Systems -Chelsijo

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Family Resistance: How to Win Family Support for Systems -Chelsijo
8 Quick Tips to Get Your Family on Board with Systems -Chelsijo

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