More times than not, moms are the keepers of the home. They know when projects are due and special events are happening. Moms know when extracurriculars are scheduled or if it’s picture day! We also know the last time the toilets have been cleaned, when the kids will outgrow their clothes and when we need to go shopping for new shoes. Let’s not even talk about the doctor’s appointments, taking care of pets, and getting dinner on the table! Did you even know you were keeping track of so much?

I am going to share my experience of having my hands-off husband turn into a full-committed Google Calendar king! We will cover how I approached him about this system of a shared family calendar, how I handled push-back in the beginning, and what I feel is the big ticket to getting both of our hearts and minds wrapped around using a shared calendar. Here’s how to share a calendar with your husband so that you can reduce the stress and chaos in your home.

Listen below for the entire episode on The Systemize Your Life Podcast

Before you click through to another post because you 100% believe you will never get your husband on board for something like this, let me just tell you that there is hope! No mater where you fall on the spectrum of family scheduling, there is always room for improvement!

Why You Need A Shared Family Calendar

When my husband and I met, he had been single for a very long time. I had a three year old daughter. Once we got married, it was instantly busy. Preschool, my job, shared parenting time with her biological father, and my husband’s rotating schedule for the fire department — there were a lot of moving pieces! Not to mention any other fun activities or family events that got tossed in the mix. Then, we added another kiddo and life just felt crazy.

In the midst of what felt like chaos, we experienced so much breakdown in communication. There were double bookings and feelings of being taken advantage of and overworked. At times, there was under-appreciation (on both sides!). We had huge gaps in communication about each of our schedules.

Sharing A Calendar With Your Husband Gives You Both Autonomy

My husband would often feel frustrated that he had to “ask permission” to come and go. He really didn’t know what was going on schedule-wise for the kids and me. I was always left feeling frustrated because he wouldn’t remember the plans that I thought we had settled on.

He never intended to make me feel that way. Just like I never intended to make him feel like I was the keeper of his schedule. Since I was the main caregiver and the one keeping track of most things in the girls’ lives, that sort of extended into me telling him where he needed to be and when he needed to be there.

One of the most powerful parts of growing as a couple for us has been knowing that we each have the ability to schedule things, while also being aware of and respecting what the other person and the kids have scheduled.

How One Family Calendar Can Help Calm The Chaos

There has been a huge difference in my husband’s involvement since we created one calendar for the whole family. Even though I’m the one that’s taking care of most of the scheduling, he still is able to know what is going on.

Getting my husband and myself in a space that is aligned with what he needs to do in a day, what I need to do in a day, and what we both need to do for our children was no easy feat. This system of using a shared calendar, and getting us both on board, has revolutionized our ability to communicate clearly and keep us sailing in (mostly!) smooth seas.

Talking Points: How To Explain The Need For A Shared Calendar

To explain to my husband why I needed to share a calendar with him, I said: “Hey, I’ve been super frustrated with trying to figure out how to get a sitter when you’re coming off of shift and I’m supposed to be going to work. I think that it would be really helpful if you were able to see that in a calendar and help me brainstorm. That way, you would know what was taking place. Instead of me being angry and frustrated, and you not understanding why, you would know why. We would be coming to each other from a place of support, being proactive instead of reactive.” 

Another suggestion is to say, “Hey, I would like to create a home that is awesome for you to come home to after you’ve been working. But, I’m gonna need to brainstorm a few things with you”.

You could also try, “I have an idea that I know will really help me feel less frustrated as a wife and be able to respect the hard work that you’re doing for our family so much more. I would really love it if we could talk about that tonight after the kids go to bed.”

Make it a Team Effort

My husband isn’t over the moon about communicating. At the same time, I am a super relational person. I needed to be clear and concise with my questions, and start really slowly with introducing the concept of a shared digital calendar for our family. I laid out the pain points in our marriage that this would help solve. Then, I explained how this system would help me be a more chill wife and fill our home with grace instead of anxiety and frustration.

You may still get some pushback. I would encourage you to make it clear that you won’t have to share a calendar with your husband forever. Tell him you can stop sharing the calendar if it doesn’t work. Ask him to try it out for a time period. Then, you can work together to find some sort of system to lessen the scheduling stress in your home if this doesn’t work.

“Remember that more often than not, our husbands want to help us but don’t always feel like they know how. Use this as an opportunity to get to know each other and better help support the unique needs you both have in your relationship.”

How To Share A Calendar With Your Husband

Shared Digital Calendars

We went with a digital option for our family’s shared calendar. We love Google Calendar, and it is super easy to set up. Once you each create your account, make sure to share your calendars with each other.

This way, you will be able to see each other’s events. Keep in mind, you can create different calendars for things like your work or business. Those should be kept separate from your family calendar. Seeing all your work tasks and meetings on his calendar might be annoying or overwhelming.

Paper Calendars

If the digital calendar app isn’t for you, I suggest getting a large monthly calendar board from Walmart, Target, Amazon, or wherever you shop. Hang it somewhere that you will both see every day.

We did try this initially. The big drawback is that it doesn’t provide instant updates or notifications. My husband’s shifts are about 26 hours from when he leaves home to when he gets back. That mean this just wasn’t an effective method for us. A lot can happen in 26 hours! We switched to a digital shared calendar that he could access no matter where he was and never looked back!

If the first shared calendar system you try doesn’t work for your family, don’t be afraid to try something else. There are so many shared calendar apps out there, you may just need to try a few to find the one that works for your family.

What To Put In Your Shared Calendar

What you put on your calendar will be unique to your life and family! I put anything that the kids are doing that impacts my husband or myself. I also add in my own appointments and to dos.

Looking through my current week, I have my gym time, my husband’s gym time, a church event, car maintenance, a race my daughter is running, and even a podcast interview. My husband will be at work when I do the interview but I put it on there so he can support me through it and ask how it went. We also add due dates for bills, extended family events, and our date night.

Respect What Is On The Shared Calendar

Of course, we add anything the kids have going on, like school events, sports, birthday parties, and extracurriculars. We also schedule in our Great Eight, which are our fundamental needs. Having them on the calendar ensures that those needs are being met for both of us.

Remember, this goes both ways! Anything he adds to the calendar, I have to respect and support. That could be a special project at work or meeting a friend for coffee. If we don’t have time to talk about it first, it is so helpful to see it in the calendar. Then, I know that I shouldn’t overlap or that I need to find a sitter. This is how I can support him in the things that he wants to do in his life.

The Key To Success With A Shared Family Calendar

The big ticket key to success with having a shared calendar for your family is accountability. You may get your calendar all set up and then find out that your husband just doesn’t look at it. My big encouragement here is to give grace, while also not making excuses.

Troubleshoot together. Set up reminders on your phones to check the calendar once a week. Find ways to make it work. If you come to this with an open heart and an open mind, he will too. 

Sharing A Calendar With Your Husband Can Bring You Closer Together

As women, we often view this as our territory. Our thumb is always on the pulse of our kids’ schedules and the needs of the home. However, a shared calendar is an opportunity for you and your husband to become more aligned. It will help him be more involved in the everyday happenings at home. Sharing a calendar with your husband will help you both feel heard and appreciated.

Remember that more often than not, our husbands want to help us. They just don’t always feel like they know how. Use this as an opportunity to get to know each other and better help support the unique needs you both have in your relationship.

If you have any questions or want to see how others are using a shared calendar for their family, hop into the Facebook group and let us know! You can find posts about how other people are using shared calendars to calm the chaos in their family.