What if I told you there is a transformative method that can revolutionize your marriage once a year? In this episode, we’ll delve into a marriage retreat system that promises to breathe new life into your relationship. If you’re like most people, you understand the profound impact a strong partnership can have on your overall happiness. Today, I invite you to try a new system that will empower you to enhance your connection with your spouse, encourage open communication, and foster personal growth within your relationship.
Are you ready to get started? Great! It’s time to grab a pen and paper because you’ll want to take some notes. This system is not only fun, but it will also encourage you to ponder thoughts that may have been lingering in the back of your mind yet remain unspoken with your partner. Share this episode with your husband; it’s an opportunity for both of you to gain valuable insights and create meaningful talking points to create the powerhouse partnership you dream of! Let’s dive in and discover the power of this once-a-year marriage system.
Listen below for the entire episode on The Systemize Your Life Podcast
A Marriage Retreat System to Revolutionize Your Marriage
To revolutionize your marriage, you must implement three main parts of our marriage retreat system. Our marriage retreat system is an annual system that you do once a year. So, if you will do it once a year, it’s probably not just something you can tackle in 5 minutes. It’s going to require a little bit of time.
This is one of my favorite systems! It is one that Blane and I always share with anyone we come across. We believe it is that important, which is one reason I get so fired up talking about it. Today, I will lay it all out for you and give you the three main parts we focus on inside the system. Not only is a marriage retreat fun, but an unbelievable, radical change in your marriage comes from this system.
No Excuses Allowed
It is completely natural to immediately come up with excuses as to why a marriage retreat just cannot fit into your year. Let me tell you, no matter where you are at, no matter what your finances are, no matter how old or how young your kids are, no matter how broken your marriage, or no matter how incredible your marriage is right now, there is a space in your life for a marriage retreat.
What was suggested to us was the retreat should be at least three days with no children. That wasn’t going to happen for us. I came into the marriage as a single mom, and we had a baby shortly after, so three days with no kids just wasn’t in the cards for us. We also didn’t have a ton of finances. We had to get creative on what a retreat would look like for us, which may also be what you have to do.
Unleash Your Creativity: Build Your Marriage Retreat Options
When planning your marriage retreat, be open to thinking outside the box. This could be camping or going to a local coffee shop for four hours, three days in a row. Living in Arizona, Blane and I go to a local resort. In the summer, it is unbelievably cheap, we never leave the property since it is all-inclusive, and it is amazing! We have done so many different things over the years, and there have been multiple years we had to bring the kids. We would also have a sitter, like my mom, a family member, and we even hired a sitter one year to come help out for a few hours each day. Was it ideal? No, but it is a place to start.
Remember, a marriage retreat is simply a place where you can get away from life’s hustle to work through these three things I am about to give you. We used pen and paper to work through the pieces when we first started. Today, you can get the entire workbook and system when you become a student inside Systemize Your Life Academy.
Get Serious: Lay Out Your Ground Rules
Before you dive into your marriage retreat, there are two rules you need to make sure you both understand. Discussing both of these before you even leave for the retreat is super important. Make sure to write these at the top of your notes!
Marriage Retreat Rule #1: It’s 50/50
The first rule for this system is your marriage retreat is 50% work and 50% fun. This rule can be hard to follow because it can be so easy to slip away and go and have fun the entire time. Blane and I would have to force ourselves to sit down and work hard. However, sometimes we would get into the hard work, and I wouldn’t even want to take a break. I would find myself wanting to keep digging in. You need both in order to work through that disconnect and have it turn over into a partnership.
For so many people, there can be decades of stuff that has not been worked through that is causing major disconnect. It can be really, really hard to know where to start. We even felt that way, and we hadn’t been married long.
This is why I created an entire workbook for our marriage retreat that coincides with everything we do daily, weekly, and monthly here in our home. It incorporates a very holistic approach, and that is why I make it available when you become a VIP student inside of Systemize Your Life.
Marriage Retreat Rule #2: Commit, Commit, Commit
Before you even step foot into the marriage retreat, there is something you both must commit to. Commit to being open, constructive, forgiving, never shaming, never blaming, or disrespecting your spouse at all. Seriously, it’s a hard no. You must commit to this rule.
Marriage is super challenging; we all know this. It’s a tough journey, and sometimes hard conversations must happen. During those times, you must commit to these ground rules 100%. Be willing to follow the process. After these two ground rules are agreed upon, you can jump into the three main parts of this system.
Marriage Retreat Step #1: Conflict to Commitment
The first part of your work during your marriage retreat is to begin by looking at the main three areas of conflict. Your husband might have his own three, and you may have three. You may think there is no way we have the time to work through all of this. In that case, you may want to focus on one conflict—awesome! The marriage retreat is not a system for overachievers. Blane and I have found that if you try to push this and rush it, it doesn’t do you any good.
So, let it be what it will be, don’t push to control the outcome. Be open, and let the conversation go where it goes. Take the conflict, and have a conversation on each. Spitball these things back and forth with solid turn-taking. Write down your thoughts individually and share your answers.
Basic, but Necessary!
It seems super basic, but it is absolutely necessary. Ask yourself right now, when was the last time you worked through legitimate conflict resolution with your partner? The whole point of this marriage retreat system is to have a safe space. We recommend using a public setting to work through conflict if either of you have difficulty controlling your emotions.
You are going to look at your conflict and turn it into commitment. Ask yourself, what are the things I need to do to resolve the conflict inside of myself with my own actions? Sometimes, turning your conflict into commitment is the only thing you get to. If that’s the case—great! You will be able to go home with established commitments.
Marriage Retreat Step #2: Goals for Growth
The second part of the marriage retreat is to turn your marriage goals into growth. At this point, you have already established your commitments to each other and will also have goals. Your goals may cover finances, parenting, date night, goals for anything! Maybe your goal is that you really want to enhance your communication. So dive in and get really specific on what that looks like!
If you’re not in a place to be able to work towards goals, that’s okay. Focus on working toward your commitments to each other. Then once you get to a place where you can trust each other in the next years, add in goals!
This is a lifelong process; we can spend years in marriage destroying that bond, and it takes years to rebuild it. Marriage is a constant evolution of working together to rebuild what we break. There is no right or wrong way to establish your goals; it’s truly whatever feels best.
“Marriage is a constant evolution of working together to rebuild what we break.”
Marriage Retreat Step #3 Accountability to Implementation
This is the last piece of the marriage retreat that just might be the most important piece. You can and should absolutely walk away, focusing on your accountability and turning it into implementation. Blane and I struggled for so many years with actually implementing our commitments to each other, our goals, and our plans for growth. This is a huge part of why I created the workbook with an implementation aspect. Here are a few things you can do to make sure your time spent together actually carries over throughout the year.
Make Your Goals Visible
First, make your goals visible. Making your goals visible can look however you need it to. You can print them out or even make them pretty. I’ve known couples that write them on a chalkboard. Put it wherever you need to, as long as it’s super visible.
Make Time
Second, make time! This part of the system is where it is so easy to fail. Make time for your commitments inside the time blocks you have built. While it’s great to have commitments, you must also create the time for your commitments and goals. So, build them into your life!
Communicate Often
My third tip is to communicate often. Communicate every day, every week, and every month on your commitments and goals. Check-in with each other and give each other support. Think of how badly you want support; your spouse wants that support back from you just as much. Taking your accountability to each other and turning it outward is key.
Accountability Partners
Another great way to work through these things is having accountability partners. Find another couple you believe you can trust and share your goals with.
Accountability partners can be decided on during your marriage retreat. Reach out and ask if they would be on board with holding you both accountable. Share your commitment statements and goals with them. Inside the workbook, there is even a place for your accountability couple’s name and check-in date.
Creating a Powerhouse Partnership with The Marriage Retreat System
Truly, no matter what you take away from this episode, how much you do, and how much you implement, if you just do a few of these things, you will see your partnership with your spouse blossom. If it’s not your cup of tea, but it’s his, try it. If it’s not his cup of tea, but it’s yours, be patient. Go to where he wants to go, do what he wants, and vice versa.
A marriage retreat can be challenging. We leave for our retreat in three days, and getting everything lined out can be tough. Multiple people are coming and going with the kids, I have to pack all the things, and Blane is working, and it can be a lot! But, it is necessary. Here is a quick recap of how to implement your marriage retreat system.
- Establish where and when your marriage retreat will be.
- Write down and commit to the ground rules.
- Discuss one to three conflicts and write down commitments to each other to fix them.
- Conversate about your marriage goals and get really specific on the steps to achieve them.
- Hold yourself and each other accountable and go home and implement!
If you want to have a life long, powerful partnership, you must prioritize these things. This is a better option than living in constant and chronic disconnect. We all crave creating a powerhouse partnership with big marriage goals. Implementing this marriage retreat system is the perfect step toward revolutionizing your marriage.
Looking to Learn More Ways To Have a Better Marriage and a Community with Women Just Like You?
Looking for more tips on how to have a happy marriage? Be sure to check out this 5-step system on keeping a happy marriage. Looking to create more time for your spouse? Dive into 4 quick systems to help you spend more time with your spouse.
By sharing my marriage retreat system, it is my hope that you can incorporate this once-a-year system into your marriage. I would love to hear about what you were able to accomplish during your marriage retreat inside our FREE Facebook community. If you like today’s content and wish to learn more about ways to manage your home, then please head over to Chelsijo.co/SYL. It is my hope for you that you take what you learned from this blog post and embrace creating a powerhouse partnership by taking your marriage from disconnect to an open and fulfilling marriage.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do you have any resources that coincide with the marriage retreat system?
Absolutely! To create the time you need to work on implementing the marriage retreat system, I recommend scheduling your fundamental needs. If you want to learn more about your fundamental needs, start with this workbook. Once you understand your fundamental needs, then you can start to put it all in your schedule. Download my time blocking workbook to help you figure that out too. Your marriage goals will fall right in!
